My mom set my head on fire Tuesday night. TWICE. It was AWESOME.

Okay, have y'all ever seen those wax ear candles? Well, they take earwax out, which I have a horrible problem with. I'm always going around saying "WHAT?! WHAT DID YOU SAY? Whippersnapper." So, as a last resort, we went to the Amish store downtown and got these things.*

ANYWAY, how these work is, you shove one into your earhole, lay on your side, wrap a wet towel around your head, and............. LIGHT IT ON FIRE. I shit you not. I felt like a firework.

And the second person is supposed to clip the ash off as it burns with scissors. Sounds easy, right. NO. My mom did this, and I ended up with FLAMING WAX IN MY EARS TWO TIMES. The first ear didn't get burned, but my LEFT ear.... is still peeling. I almost set my pillows on fire. It was SO COOL. I wish I'd gotten it on tape. I'd send it to AFV, and be 10,000 bucks richer. Oh, well.

And, afterward, in true mother fashion**, she took me out for ice cream.

Once she could stop laughing long enough to breathe, that is.


*Read: Torture devices.

**As in, "Aw, Billy, I didn't mean to hit you so HARD with the frying pan! Let's go get a frogurt after the bleeding stops."